One of those days when I want a "do over"
There are days you just can't or don't want to put into words. Today is one of those days. I feel old, dumb, unmotivated, not very creative, grumpy, not a very nice person, disorganized, and nothing like the writer I want to be. And it's one of those days that you just can't point to one thing and say, there, that's what did it. Instead it was the piling up of all sorts of things that just makes the kind of day you want to forget.
On top of it all, I had blogging nightmares last night. How frigging insane is that? Even for me that is out there. I think it's because I was blog surfing last night and read someone's blog about how someone had told them they weren't blogging right. And immediately my insecurities jumped up full force and screamed at me, "See, I TOLD you there were rules and you're probably not doing it right either." And I wondered why it is that just doing something my way is never good enough for me, no matter what it is? What is it that other people have that allow them to be themselves and be happy with the person that turns out to be? How come other people can play and I simply haven't a clue as to how?
Why is just being me never good enough for me? Or maybe the real question is why am I afraid to be who I am?
Write on, right now.