Am I doing it right?
Can we ever really be sure that we are writing what we are supposed to be writing?
How would I, could I, know that I am doing it right? That I have actually found my writing spot in the world? Would I even recognize my spot if I found it? Or does it have to find me? For all I know I could have passed my spot and not even known it...but maybe I wasn't ready yet.
I feel that I am circling my spot sometimes like a wild dog, sniffing it out, trying to decide who has been there before, how long ago, and if I have it in me to defend a territory that I am not even sure is mine. I flit from spot to spot which is both bad and good. I want roots to grow but then I run away and am not sure if it is fear of the growth or fear of the possibility of no growth.
Does selling something in a particular genre mean that is your talent? If that's the case then why do so many bad books get published and so many great stories get left unsold? I know it is nuts for me to expect some little green light to go on over my head when I hit my "spot", a light that says "this is it - this what you're supposed to be doing" . So instead I wait for that gut feeling that says "yeah, this is it. This is what I wanted to say and I said it in a way that makes me proud." But there is the great equalizer in this business that when I have that great gut feeling, the industry says "no thank you". In light of that, I find it tough to keep searching for my spot.
But I suppose I have a serious stubborn streak because in spite of all the lack of answers I can't imagine not writing. Correction, I can imagine it, and the thought of not writing terrifies me more than the thought of writing without knowing if I am doing it right.
Write on, right now.